Darkness Spreads P2

After hearing the news about his friend, Chris had to make a pause to get some fresh air and a large cup of tea for himself. He decided to change the course of the episode he was writing, wanting to make something dramatic happen, if only to let out what he was feeling inside, but he was interrupted by the sound of his house phone ringing. "Hello, I'm Neil Walker. Could I speak to Jake?" Ask a man on the other side of the line. "Hey, Neil. Jake is at the hospital right now." Chris answered carefully, wondering how Neil was hanging on knowing about Nicole. "Wow! Is he ok? I had no idea! I’ve been trying to reach Nicky all day, I thought he might know where she is and why she won’t answer her phone." "Oh, that’s just the normal procedure of the psychiatric hospital. I’m sure she’ll be out in no time like she did before. " Chris informed, and suddenly started to get the feeling something was wrong with Neil “Are you okay, darling?” "Psychiatric hospital?" He repeated in disbelief, remembering a night he spent with his girlfriend and she confessed she had been "slightly depressed in high school.” "Yeah, she's probably spending the night there, but I'm sure they'll let her go in the morning. She’ll be out in no time, it’s just… You know how Nicky can get, right? But she always comes out on top of the world, a real fighter!" Chris reassured, wondering who could he call to comfort his heavy heart. "In what hospital is she again? I didn't write down, and now I can't remember..." Neil sat down on the edge of his bed, trying to catch his breath, knowing damn well no one called him because she was always trying to shield him from the world, as if he was a child. "Saint Claire Hospital. Neil, are sure you are ok? We are friends, if you need anything you can come over, so you don’t have to be alone. I know how hard this can be." Chris remembered how Jake would get lost in himself and his feelings when Nicole did things like that. "No, it's ok, Chris. Thank you. I-I gotta go." Neil quickly turned off the phone and all the dots started to connect in his mind; her constant accidents, and long stories and poems about death, the dark paintings, the weird jokes. He believe her when she said it was just art. He knew what had happened even though no one told him. As soon Chris turned off the phone, he saw that Jake had called him twice, then texted him to let him know he was going home to pick up his cat and was on his way, he also mentioned Nicoletta didn’t want Neil to know about it just yet, she wanted to talk to him personally when she left the hospital. The sunset in that was spectacular, so many different colors made Nicole think about her favorite Van Gogh painting, she felt somewhat lucky to have such an amazing view from the seventh floor window of her hospital window. She was drinking her expresso, and no one could tell what went on inside her little head; the frustration of failure and the anger of being forced into another program to “save her life”, and knowing how high her hopes would get just to be shattered into another episode that would lead her to stand where she was. She was deep in though, when she heard a familiar voice calling her name. "Nicky?" Neil called instantly recognizing her even without all the makeup and hairdos, or the expensive clothes. He knew it was her, even if all the glamourous aura that she always exhaled when she stood next to him as his much younger girlfriend was gone. But as soon as she heard his voice calling her name, Nicoletta let go of her coffee as if it were in flames. She knew why he was there, and she didn't want him to be there, to see her as anything less than perfect. She also knew that, at the end of the day no one wanted to deal with a crazy, suicidal girlfriend. "Nicky, what have you done.... Why didn't you tell me?" Neil asked with teary eyes, looking at her pale face that showed no emotion at all. "You weren't supposed to know." Was all she managed, refusing to let her heart get the best of her, she froze inside and gave Neil what she gave Jake. “What? Is that all you have to say to me? After everything we’ve been through together, you still don’t trust me?” At first, Neil was heartbroken but upon hearing her cold words his blood boiled inside. “Neil, there are parts of my life that are my problem.” She answered squinting her eyes and folding her arms, trying her best to look angry when in reality she was crying inside. “Why? You have everything, Nicky. If you need some time out, you just take it and go anywhere. You have friends who love you, who just died a little because of what you did. You have me. I love you. I love you, Nicoletta.” Neil wasn’t even trying to keep his wellness mask on, he just sobbed and opened his heart out to her. “Neil, I think you should go.” Was all she manage to say, before turning her eyes back to the window and the lovely view outside. Neil left her to her view, but he didn’t leave the hospital. He sat at the ER and watched as people came in and left for what it felt like weeks. He was only meant to have fun with a hot girl, but she stole his heart and showed him love like no other woman had ever done before. Now, she was like a safe, closed to the world, and he couldn’t help her. He ended up crying himself to sleep in a hospital chair. First thing next morning, Chris decided to pay Nicky a visit. He was scared he had ruined her relationship with Neil, but as he walked in the hospital and saw the guy sleeping on a chair, and he figured they had worked things out. "Hi, I'm Christopher Collins, I’m looking for Nicoletta Rossi. I'm not family or anything like that, but we used to live together, and I wanted to see if she's ok. See this is us in front of our Christmas tree last year, and this is us having Starbucks." Chris said showing pictures of the two of them on his phone, thinking that that might be enough to prove he actually knew her. "I see. Can you give me a moment, I need to speak with my supervisor first." The nurse had an odd look in her eyes, as if she wasn’t sure what to do or say, but Chris didn't think much. Upon seeing a thirty-nine year old man, sleeping on a chair with a half empty cup of bad hospital coffee in his hand, Chris couldn't help but wake Neil up, by gently nudging on her shoulder. "Hm, Nicky?! Oh, hi Chris." Neil said half asleep still, he painfully moved his body from the uncomfortable position he had slept in "I couldn’t leave." "I'm so sorry, Neil. For everything. The way I told you, I should have never..." Chris started, sitting next to Neil and bowing his head. "Hey, there's no easy way to learn that someone you're in love with is terribly depressed and tried to commit suicide." Neil said and sipped on his cold coffee; it tasted terribly but he really didn’t care. "How’s everything between the two of you? I visited her once her and she told me to go fuck myself and never talk to her again. She get’s quite confused and it just plain mean." Chris said with a little laugh, remembering how she apologized almost a million times for what she said “They give her some pills that make her mind foggy.” "Well, she told me to leave at first. I figured she needed space, so I just sat here all night. Then in the morning I took some flowers to her, and she cried. I cried. She was terrified I was breaking up with her, but hey, I'm nearly forty, I have baggage too. I told her that all I wanted was to be with her. I’m taking her for ice cream when she’s released." Neil said with a tired smile, which made Chris smile too; everything felt like it would be ok, maybe it was because of the sunny day outside. "Excuse me, are you the young man who was going to check out Mrs. Rossi? The boyfriend?" A nurse different carefully asked Chris. "Oh no, he's the boyfriend. I'm just her friend." He laughed it off. "Well, I have some news for the two of you. Could you follow me, please?” She said kindly, and both of them followed her into an empty observation room, where a doctor, a couple of nurses and a few police officers stood. Behind them was a bed where someone laid covered in a white sheet. “Gentleman, this is officer Reynalds, he’ll be explain what happened to the two of you, words could never express how sorry I am…” As the nurse continued and the officer started to explain how Nicoletta broke a window using a chair and threw herself head first in the garden, Neil’s vision went completely white and his ears started to ring, and he heard was the beating of his own heart, desperatly trying to jump out of his chest. When Neil woke up they let him know he had fainted during an extreme anxiety attack. Everything felt surreal, watching Jake was yelling at the doctor and the whole team of nurses, screaming how he would sue the hospital, having to be contained because of aggressive behavior. While Chris was sobbing desperately on the floor, in the corner of the room, watching his boyfriend being arrested. Neil looked over to the bed, and her body was there, resting as if she was sleeping peacefully. The darkness that lived inside of her, the one that made her take her own life, had spread into the lives of those who loved her. Life started to move on too fast, as if in the blink of an eye Neil was already attending the funeral of the first woman he wanted to marry. The pictures and memories they shared, he kept her dogs knowing no one would love them as much as he could. And then again, as if in the blink of an eye Neil found himself too drunk, too numb to life around him to realize where he was; taking a midnight stroll on the train tracks near his house, thinking the light he saw was the sunrise.

I am a survivor of (you guessed it) 6 suicide attempts. I have been hospitalize, and now I live a stable life along side my family. If you or someone you know has been having suicidal thoughts please don’t hesitate in calling for help at a Suicide Prevention Line, they saved me countless times. Stay safe and stay strong!!

Darkness Spreads P1

Jake sat alone inside his office and staring at his phone; notifications were popping in from everyone he knew, as if he had been photographed drunkly stripping on a bar (again). But this time things weren't as funny as they used to be. People were gossiping, and they were not going to stop. "With a bang!" As she always promised when talking about such matters, but he just laughed it off, Nicoletta had always been a little too dramatic, a little too extreme. He got up, and grabbed his coat, it wasn't a particularly cold day in New York City; her city of dreams. But Jake felt cold and grey, like the skies wre after all the Christmas trees were dead, even though it was a sunny June morning, a specially good day to go to Central Park. As he closed his office's door, he overheard the receptionists talking about what had happened the night before. At first, Jake wanted to fire both of them, get back inside his office and just cry, but at this point he had learned how to stay quiet and composed when confroted with the secrets of his private life turning public. "C'mon Kevin, I know you know something! You've been working here forever!" The new girl said, as she sipped on her tea, biting her lower lip. Jake could tell she didn't really care about his associate being at the hospital, but just loved the gossip "Well, I never expected something like this from her."

"Oh, but she has done this before. More than once, actually." Kevin replied quietly, making sure no one was around. He had always been quite close with his other boss; she was very understanding when he broke up with his boyfriend, and even cover it up when his parents came to town asking about his supposed ex roommate. "He's my boyfriend, but we are keeping it a secret. No one likes to have their personal life all over the tabloids." She told his parents, kissing Kevin's cheek. She always made sure they were good friends. "No way! You have to tell me! How many times?" She interrupted Kevin from his flashback daydreams, inside he was a wreck to think anything like this could happen to someone as kind as Nicolleta. "Oh, I wouldn't know... I really don't like to think about this." He replied harshly thinking she'd just drop the subject, all he wanted was to focus on his work, instead of the annoying cosmopolitan reader next to him.

"Six." Jake declared, walking from behind the his office's door, staring the his two employees, neither of them had seen or heard their boss walk out of his office "These things are not mean to be public. This is our personal lives, and if you cannot respect this, I'll find someone who will, miss Whatever Your Name Is." "It's Karen, sir-" The girl replied, standing up trying to show off her perfect body, and big cleavage; after all Jacob Bellini was quite the bachelor. "I wasn't asking. I didn't learn your name, because I don't care." Jake answered snobbly, with the air of superiority of a young millionaire kid. It wasn't her fault his day was absolute shit, and he knew it was wrong to look down on her, but at his point he didn't care. "Go home, kid. I don't wanna have to deal with you today. Kevin, if you need any help, call Gigi. I'm off for today." Jake walked in the elevator and Karen followed him, still going for a cheap attempt to seduce him. He just looked away and lit a cigarette, which was never allowed, but it was his fucking building, his best friend at the hospital. "How can you take this?" She asked, and a slip of a second he wondered if she was actually was concerned about Nicoletta, but as he looked inside her transparent blue eyes she just looked like another blood sucking leech trying to find a story to tell on her Instagram story. "I love her." He replied, as the elevator's doors opened and Jake stepped out, but didn't give any space for Karen to come out "Go back up there and clear your table. Anything that's not out of your desk until Monday will be donated to charity. You're fired." Before Karen could even start to argue, the doors were closed and Jake walked away. He felt as if everyone was staring at him, and he was probably right. He walked out of the building, thinking about visiting Nicole, ignoring paparazzi and fans approaching him and took selfies and photos of his miserable state. Eventually he was alone walking down the street like any one else. Jake walked for what it felt like hours, and tears were always flooding his eyes, but he never allowed them to drip down his face. The traffic seemed nosier, the streets more crowded, people were much more annoying than usual, laughs and talks, went by him and he felt sick to his stomach. The smell of hotdogs, and cheap coffee filled the air, as he walked and he suddenly found himself hating that city. Her city. He sat on the subway, asking himself if he could stand going to the hospital and seeing her like that, again. It wasn't like last time he was at the hospital, visiting his mother after her third liposuction. This time he was visiting his best friend, who had survived her sixth suicide attempted. Could his heart stand seeing her like that, with bandaged wrists being drugged on antidepressants, without feeling one hundred percent guilty about it? He knew on the surface it wasn't his fault, it couldn't have been. His Nicky was sick and sometimes things happened to her brain, things she had no control over. But for fuck's sake couldn't she just ask for help before doing fucked up things that would affect everyone who loved her so much? Doesn't she even care about him, his heart, his problems, his eternal love for her, his soulmate, his sister, his lifeline? Nicole and Jack, Nicoletta and Giacomo, against the world, best friends from day one, inseparable. He had no other choice but to go. "Hey, so I'm looking for Nicoletta Rossi?" Jake told the nurse at the reception of Saint Claire's hospital. "Family only." The nurse said, without looking up from her paperwork; if she got a coin for every journalist who tried getting inside that hospital to see one of the Rossi' heirs, she would be richer than they were "See your way out." "Oh, but I am family. I'm Austin Rossi. Her younger brother." Jake said and gave his younger brother ID to the nurse, thanking his lucky stars his father had an affair with Nicky's mother when they were younger, and they had a little brother in commom, who just happened to never carry his ID. "Very well, Mrs. Rossi is... Oh, she's on the seventh floor, on the corridor connecting the first wing and the second wing. Apparently, she refuses to go anywhere else." Said the nurse, feeling very tired of the whole circus she was living that day; first a socialite tries to kill herself, then she has to deal with paparazzi, and now the brat won't cooperate. "She likes the view to the garden." Jake explained, remembering the last time he visited her at the hospital, for similar reasons, he fought a doctor and two nurses to get her to stay there "Thank you very much." When the elevator doors opened to the seventh floor he caught his first glimpse of her, she was staring through the window, Jake couldn't see her face, but he knew she was different. She was not the glamours woman everyone usually saw; Nicoletta wasn't wearing her designer clothes, but a disposable hospital gown, and instead of heels she wore flip-flops. Her hair was messy and tangled, her nails were short and her nail polisher was chipped. "It wasn't your fault" She declared, before Jake could say or do anything; she saw him approaching her from the reflection on the glass "It's never your fault." Jake sighed as he felt tears flooding his eyes. He could be as cold and as indifferent to anyone, but her. She knew him too well, she could tell how upset he was, even when she wasn't looking at him; maybe his steps were heavier than usual, maybe his breathing was louder, Nicoletta knew, always. "You know, it's not your mission to save me. There are some things we need to do for ourselves." She said seriously looking outside at the little garden of the hospital, it felt like a hidden place of peace, no cars, no buildings, no people and no cameras. Nicoletta had a serious depressive state due a serotonin deficiency; her brain was not producing it's happy molecule enough to make her stable and functional. They tried medication, but nothing could suppress the suicidal thoughts in her head. She was born with that, and knew no other life besides that. "What do I do when you succeeded?" Jake asked, looking down as a nurse passed while pushing a man in a wheel chair. "I guess, you'll have to remember out client's names." She jokes, knowing he could never remember anyone's name, not even if his life depended on it. "Nicky..." Jake started as tears rolled down his face, but he still couldn't allow himself to feel, so he was silently hiding behind his dark sunglases. "Hush now. Get me some good coffee, before I do anything else considered stupid. Off you go, bambino." She ordered playfully, and he saw a glimpse of her sweet smile on the glass. Jake smiled, knowing how she've always played the strong one in front of him when he wasn't at his best. He wished he hadn't cry in front of her, he wanted to be strong for her, but as always Nicolleta was there like a rock for him. He walked back to the elevator, pressing the elevator's buttonand the doors opened, but before he could get in she called for him. "Jay! Does he knows?" She said finally turning from the garden and looking at Jake, with dark circles around her eyes and pale complexion. "I don't think so. But it's a matter of time, Nicky. Everyone is talking about it." Jake answered blowing his nose on a tissue paper, he could tell she instantly tensed up, biting her lower lip, and closed her eyes tightly, letting out a long sigh. As soon as Jake was gone, Nicoletta cursed herself out loud, for the first time in her twenty-four year life she regretted attempting suicide. Nothing pained inside of her already heavy heart, than knowing the one man she loved more than herself, might soon find out about the darkest side of her. Jake left the hospital, and went to the coffee shop across the street, nearly being ran over by a lady in a red car. He was completely out of himself, and didn't see the traffic light was red for pedestrians. He couldn't stand living that day anymore, so he picked up his phone and called Chris. "I know you hate when I call you while you're working, but today is one of those days, Christopher." He said as soon as his boyfriend picked up the phone. "Jay? What's wrong, sweetie?" Chris asked, as he took off his glasses and leaned back on his chair, he stopped typing the next episode of the show he was creating along side Nicoletta and his boyfriend Jake.

"It's Nicky..." Jake said, looking down at his shoes as tears ran down his face, but quickly recomposed himself, remembering he was at a public place, and someone could notice, cameras would pop out of nowhere and again his life will be a circus because he inherited a studio from his father.

After so much hard work, Jake lived under the dome of the public opinion, as well as most people he loved, he was stuck in the never ending cycle of being famous. For a moment he thought about the headlines on the next day, talking about Nicky, talking about him, dragging Chris into the mess, and all he ever wanted was to tell his story. He hated what life had become, he hated the exposure.

"Oh, no... Is she-" Chris couldn’t even breath, Nicoletta had been his friend, and roommate when he couldn’t afford a place of his own. He knew about her tendencies, and he was always there to pull her back from the window sill.

"Alive. Bandaged wrists. I'm getting coffee for her now. Yes, two expressos to go, please. Sorry, it was the barista." Jake answered, holding the both between his ear and her shoulder, to grab his wallet and pay for the coffee.

"Jake, she'll be fine. She always gets better. It’s just part of her, and she can’t help it. She’s still going to therapy, isn’t she?" Chris knew it wasn’t true, but when he met Nicky and Jake they were already in this train off it’s tracks.

"Yeah, you’re probably right… Look. I gotta go back to the hospital, gotta pay attention to the street, I almost got run over on the way to the coffee shop. I really needed to hear your voice. " Jake said, breathing deeply trying to keep it together.

"Alright, hon, no problem. I love-"

"Hey, you know I'm sleeping at your place tonight, right? I'm gonna get Deanna, and swing by as soon as visitation hours end." For the first time Jake smiled, as he looked at a picture of himself, his boyfriend and his adopted kitten, Deanna.

"Sheldon will be happy, he loves having cat friends to play with." At the same time Chris checked the picture of the two of them cuddling their cats.

“I love you so much, thank you for being in my life.” Jake said as he left the coffee shop, looking both ways before crossing the street.

“I love you too. Take care of yourself.” Chris said with a smile Jake couldn’t see, but he was sure he could feel it as if both of them were connected in a spiritual level.

Jake didn't think to tell Chris that Neil, Nicoletta's new boyfriend had not idea what was happening to her, most news just said she fell of a latter while hanging a painting on her apartment. It just didn't seem as important since Chris and Neil barely talked to each other anyways.

To be continued...