Jake sat alone inside his office and staring at his phone; notifications were popping in from everyone he knew, as if he had been photographed drunkly stripping on a bar (again). But this time things weren't as funny as they used to be. People were gossiping, and they were not going to stop. "With a bang!" As she always promised when talking about such matters, but he just laughed it off, Nicoletta had always been a little too dramatic, a little too extreme. He got up, and grabbed his coat, it wasn't a particularly cold day in New York City; her city of dreams. But Jake felt cold and grey, like the skies wre after all the Christmas trees were dead, even though it was a sunny June morning, a specially good day to go to Central Park. As he closed his office's door, he overheard the receptionists talking about what had happened the night before. At first, Jake wanted to fire both of them, get back inside his office and just cry, but at this point he had learned how to stay quiet and composed when confroted with the secrets of his private life turning public. "C'mon Kevin, I know you know something! You've been working here forever!" The new girl said, as she sipped on her tea, biting her lower lip. Jake could tell she didn't really care about his associate being at the hospital, but just loved the gossip "Well, I never expected something like this from her."

"Oh, but she has done this before. More than once, actually." Kevin replied quietly, making sure no one was around. He had always been quite close with his other boss; she was very understanding when he broke up with his boyfriend, and even cover it up when his parents came to town asking about his supposed ex roommate. "He's my boyfriend, but we are keeping it a secret. No one likes to have their personal life all over the tabloids." She told his parents, kissing Kevin's cheek. She always made sure they were good friends. "No way! You have to tell me! How many times?" She interrupted Kevin from his flashback daydreams, inside he was a wreck to think anything like this could happen to someone as kind as Nicolleta. "Oh, I wouldn't know... I really don't like to think about this." He replied harshly thinking she'd just drop the subject, all he wanted was to focus on his work, instead of the annoying cosmopolitan reader next to him.

"Six." Jake declared, walking from behind the his office's door, staring the his two employees, neither of them had seen or heard their boss walk out of his office "These things are not mean to be public. This is our personal lives, and if you cannot respect this, I'll find someone who will, miss Whatever Your Name Is." "It's Karen, sir-" The girl replied, standing up trying to show off her perfect body, and big cleavage; after all Jacob Bellini was quite the bachelor. "I wasn't asking. I didn't learn your name, because I don't care." Jake answered snobbly, with the air of superiority of a young millionaire kid. It wasn't her fault his day was absolute shit, and he knew it was wrong to look down on her, but at his point he didn't care. "Go home, kid. I don't wanna have to deal with you today. Kevin, if you need any help, call Gigi. I'm off for today." Jake walked in the elevator and Karen followed him, still going for a cheap attempt to seduce him. He just looked away and lit a cigarette, which was never allowed, but it was his fucking building, his best friend at the hospital. "How can you take this?" She asked, and a slip of a second he wondered if she was actually was concerned about Nicoletta, but as he looked inside her transparent blue eyes she just looked like another blood sucking leech trying to find a story to tell on her Instagram story. "I love her." He replied, as the elevator's doors opened and Jake stepped out, but didn't give any space for Karen to come out "Go back up there and clear your table. Anything that's not out of your desk until Monday will be donated to charity. You're fired." Before Karen could even start to argue, the doors were closed and Jake walked away. He felt as if everyone was staring at him, and he was probably right. He walked out of the building, thinking about visiting Nicole, ignoring paparazzi and fans approaching him and took selfies and photos of his miserable state. Eventually he was alone walking down the street like any one else. Jake walked for what it felt like hours, and tears were always flooding his eyes, but he never allowed them to drip down his face. The traffic seemed nosier, the streets more crowded, people were much more annoying than usual, laughs and talks, went by him and he felt sick to his stomach. The smell of hotdogs, and cheap coffee filled the air, as he walked and he suddenly found himself hating that city. Her city. He sat on the subway, asking himself if he could stand going to the hospital and seeing her like that, again. It wasn't like last time he was at the hospital, visiting his mother after her third liposuction. This time he was visiting his best friend, who had survived her sixth suicide attempted. Could his heart stand seeing her like that, with bandaged wrists being drugged on antidepressants, without feeling one hundred percent guilty about it? He knew on the surface it wasn't his fault, it couldn't have been. His Nicky was sick and sometimes things happened to her brain, things she had no control over. But for fuck's sake couldn't she just ask for help before doing fucked up things that would affect everyone who loved her so much? Doesn't she even care about him, his heart, his problems, his eternal love for her, his soulmate, his sister, his lifeline? Nicole and Jack, Nicoletta and Giacomo, against the world, best friends from day one, inseparable. He had no other choice but to go. "Hey, so I'm looking for Nicoletta Rossi?" Jake told the nurse at the reception of Saint Claire's hospital. "Family only." The nurse said, without looking up from her paperwork; if she got a coin for every journalist who tried getting inside that hospital to see one of the Rossi' heirs, she would be richer than they were "See your way out." "Oh, but I am family. I'm Austin Rossi. Her younger brother." Jake said and gave his younger brother ID to the nurse, thanking his lucky stars his father had an affair with Nicky's mother when they were younger, and they had a little brother in commom, who just happened to never carry his ID. "Very well, Mrs. Rossi is... Oh, she's on the seventh floor, on the corridor connecting the first wing and the second wing. Apparently, she refuses to go anywhere else." Said the nurse, feeling very tired of the whole circus she was living that day; first a socialite tries to kill herself, then she has to deal with paparazzi, and now the brat won't cooperate. "She likes the view to the garden." Jake explained, remembering the last time he visited her at the hospital, for similar reasons, he fought a doctor and two nurses to get her to stay there "Thank you very much." When the elevator doors opened to the seventh floor he caught his first glimpse of her, she was staring through the window, Jake couldn't see her face, but he knew she was different. She was not the glamours woman everyone usually saw; Nicoletta wasn't wearing her designer clothes, but a disposable hospital gown, and instead of heels she wore flip-flops. Her hair was messy and tangled, her nails were short and her nail polisher was chipped. "It wasn't your fault" She declared, before Jake could say or do anything; she saw him approaching her from the reflection on the glass "It's never your fault." Jake sighed as he felt tears flooding his eyes. He could be as cold and as indifferent to anyone, but her. She knew him too well, she could tell how upset he was, even when she wasn't looking at him; maybe his steps were heavier than usual, maybe his breathing was louder, Nicoletta knew, always. "You know, it's not your mission to save me. There are some things we need to do for ourselves." She said seriously looking outside at the little garden of the hospital, it felt like a hidden place of peace, no cars, no buildings, no people and no cameras. Nicoletta had a serious depressive state due a serotonin deficiency; her brain was not producing it's happy molecule enough to make her stable and functional. They tried medication, but nothing could suppress the suicidal thoughts in her head. She was born with that, and knew no other life besides that. "What do I do when you succeeded?" Jake asked, looking down as a nurse passed while pushing a man in a wheel chair. "I guess, you'll have to remember out client's names." She jokes, knowing he could never remember anyone's name, not even if his life depended on it. "Nicky..." Jake started as tears rolled down his face, but he still couldn't allow himself to feel, so he was silently hiding behind his dark sunglases. "Hush now. Get me some good coffee, before I do anything else considered stupid. Off you go, bambino." She ordered playfully, and he saw a glimpse of her sweet smile on the glass. Jake smiled, knowing how she've always played the strong one in front of him when he wasn't at his best. He wished he hadn't cry in front of her, he wanted to be strong for her, but as always Nicolleta was there like a rock for him. He walked back to the elevator, pressing the elevator's buttonand the doors opened, but before he could get in she called for him. "Jay! Does he knows?" She said finally turning from the garden and looking at Jake, with dark circles around her eyes and pale complexion. "I don't think so. But it's a matter of time, Nicky. Everyone is talking about it." Jake answered blowing his nose on a tissue paper, he could tell she instantly tensed up, biting her lower lip, and closed her eyes tightly, letting out a long sigh. As soon as Jake was gone, Nicoletta cursed herself out loud, for the first time in her twenty-four year life she regretted attempting suicide. Nothing pained inside of her already heavy heart, than knowing the one man she loved more than herself, might soon find out about the darkest side of her. Jake left the hospital, and went to the coffee shop across the street, nearly being ran over by a lady in a red car. He was completely out of himself, and didn't see the traffic light was red for pedestrians. He couldn't stand living that day anymore, so he picked up his phone and called Chris. "I know you hate when I call you while you're working, but today is one of those days, Christopher." He said as soon as his boyfriend picked up the phone. "Jay? What's wrong, sweetie?" Chris asked, as he took off his glasses and leaned back on his chair, he stopped typing the next episode of the show he was creating along side Nicoletta and his boyfriend Jake.

"It's Nicky..." Jake said, looking down at his shoes as tears ran down his face, but quickly recomposed himself, remembering he was at a public place, and someone could notice, cameras would pop out of nowhere and again his life will be a circus because he inherited a studio from his father.

After so much hard work, Jake lived under the dome of the public opinion, as well as most people he loved, he was stuck in the never ending cycle of being famous. For a moment he thought about the headlines on the next day, talking about Nicky, talking about him, dragging Chris into the mess, and all he ever wanted was to tell his story. He hated what life had become, he hated the exposure.

"Oh, no... Is she-" Chris couldn’t even breath, Nicoletta had been his friend, and roommate when he couldn’t afford a place of his own. He knew about her tendencies, and he was always there to pull her back from the window sill.

"Alive. Bandaged wrists. I'm getting coffee for her now. Yes, two expressos to go, please. Sorry, it was the barista." Jake answered, holding the both between his ear and her shoulder, to grab his wallet and pay for the coffee.

"Jake, she'll be fine. She always gets better. It’s just part of her, and she can’t help it. She’s still going to therapy, isn’t she?" Chris knew it wasn’t true, but when he met Nicky and Jake they were already in this train off it’s tracks.

"Yeah, you’re probably right… Look. I gotta go back to the hospital, gotta pay attention to the street, I almost got run over on the way to the coffee shop. I really needed to hear your voice. " Jake said, breathing deeply trying to keep it together.

"Alright, hon, no problem. I love-"

"Hey, you know I'm sleeping at your place tonight, right? I'm gonna get Deanna, and swing by as soon as visitation hours end." For the first time Jake smiled, as he looked at a picture of himself, his boyfriend and his adopted kitten, Deanna.

"Sheldon will be happy, he loves having cat friends to play with." At the same time Chris checked the picture of the two of them cuddling their cats.

“I love you so much, thank you for being in my life.” Jake said as he left the coffee shop, looking both ways before crossing the street.

“I love you too. Take care of yourself.” Chris said with a smile Jake couldn’t see, but he was sure he could feel it as if both of them were connected in a spiritual level.

Jake didn't think to tell Chris that Neil, Nicoletta's new boyfriend had not idea what was happening to her, most news just said she fell of a latter while hanging a painting on her apartment. It just didn't seem as important since Chris and Neil barely talked to each other anyways.

To be continued...